Irony. On Friday, we had a lovely lunch and movie with my DFiL. My darling daughters and lovely DFiL had a lot of fun and laughter and a thoroughly relaxed afternoon. It came up in conversation that the TV series House MD is a big hit in our household and even our eldest daughter (who, at age almost-9, is NOT permitted to watch it), is a big fan.
Not long ago, DH and I had been watching a riveting episode in which a young lady lied about having been raped by her father so that the doctors would not try to track down her parents in order to save her life. To our stunned horror a forthright not-so-little-as-wee-like-to-believe voice piped up from behind the couch (a favourite hiding place), “What’s rape?”
DH gently explained that when a couple love each other very much they get married and have a special kind of hug which is called, well, you know. And it’s special and wonderful but both people must want to share the “hug”. And of course, be married. And when they’re not married, and one of them doesn’t want to “hug”, that’s rape.
We got her to bed and agreed that it was “almost time” for The Talk. But not yet. “She’ll tell her little sister,” we rationalised, “and she’s not ready for that yet.”
I was explaining this scenario to my DFiL, who pointed out that, at almost-9, she actually does need to have a bit of a grasp of the mechanics. A simplistic daddy puts a seed in mommy’s tummy which turns an egg into a baby just isn’t going to cut the mustard for much longer.
The very next day, a good friend told me that her son, almost a year younger than my daughter, was asking these same questions. We had a long chat about whether or not the children are ready for The Talk, and if not, when will they be?
Honestly, I think the ones who aren’t ready are us!
Thus, three candid conversations about the very same subject in less than a week. Hmm…
In the end, the matter was taken out of my hands. This morning on the way to church, my nearly-9-year-old asked, in a tone that brooked no diversionary tactics, “Mom, what is (well, you know)?” And so it was that I threw caution and coyness to the wind and simply told them the facts of life. Both of them, since they were both in the car. Naturally I pointed out that the couple must be married. I said that when two people love each other very much, they get married and after that sometimes when they want to show how much they love each other they go to their bed and the husband puts a seed in the wife’s tummy with his, well, you know, in her – okay, you really do know and I really don’t want to get censured, so that’s it. Now they know. It’s out of the way. *Phew*
And the response? A matter-of-fact “Oh, ok.”
And then, “but mom, who says they have to be married? “. A ha. “Well, it’s God’s law, love,” I replied.
“I knew it! Because I was just thinking that if it was Man’s Law then everyone would just do it all the time and just get pregnant any time without being married.”
They do. I told her that, too. But it’s not the way God intended, and it can lead to a lot of unhappiness.
And there you have it.
Since The Talk, I’ve found some useful online resources: