No one said home education would be easy. And no one said trying to hold down a job while home educating children would be easy. To say nothing of running a busy and bustling business and a small but demanding household at the same time. I know that.
I wonder, however, if they said it would be this hard. I can’t recall. Wise words of sound advice are buried deep in the hazy mists of my exhaustion, and nothing makes sense right now.
I am sure it soon will.
As of the 1st of July we (and by we I mean me) are determined to be more organised and more disciplined. This means all the grown ups in the house have detailed and honest time sheets each day to ensure that no valuable seconds are being lost anywhere. It means that all the family income is managed centrally and strictly according to a well-evolved budget. In this way we should find that we can achieve a lot more and earn enough to live comfortably, all while getting enough rest.
When I look at that bright and sunny horizon painted above, replete with rainbows and kittens and small, nameless white flowers, I feel utterly overwhelmed by the sheer cliffs of work that stand between me and there, and I want to give up.
Today I once again dropped balls, missed deadlines, and spent far too little time with my precious angels. By the end of the day we were all exhausted and overwrought, and ended up sobbing into each others necks as we hugged and prayed before bed. It has taken me until now (10:20PM) to get them down and contented, and I have a whole day’s work ahead of me.
I don’t wanna!
Like a child in a toy store, I can’t be grateful for the generous gift of abundant work that I have. Instead, I feel like sitting on the floor, legs akimbo, beating my fists on the ground and wailing “Noooooooooo” at the top of my lungs. I want to paint and fly kites and hike up mountains and make hover crafts and plant vegetables with the girls. I want to, at the very least, minister to their basic physical needs. They need muscle toning and lower limb strengthening exercise, and if I don’t start giving it soon, they may be seriously damaged for life. I know it sounds melodramatic, but it’s not. I want us all to flop into bed at night exhausted but happy, flushed with the success of a day spent learning and loving, not shushing and shouting.
I certainly do not want to try to prop these drooping eyelids open for another 5 hours.