Sometimes our bodies distract us from the higher things in life and force us to acknowledge our own weakness, our frailty and our need for God’s supernatural power simply to get us from one day to the next. When I consider my brother’s Cystic Fibrosis and my children’s good health I am struck by the fact that every breath, for each of us, is a miracle.
But realising that, and even glorifying God for His grace in this area, doesn’t mean that we don’t sometimes feel frustrated by these earthly bonds and look forward to ur heavenly bodies with even more eagerness.
For years I put my body’s requirements aside and began to see myself as invincible. Obviously I realise now just how foolish and prideful that was, though at the time I saw it as self-sacrificing and humble. The result is that, in addition to my genetic predisposition towards faulty wiring, I’ve added a range of complications to my body over and above that.
The complications that grabs my attention most often at the moment is my skin. I’ve self-diagnosed what I believe is a case of perioral dermatitis. It’s been getting steadily worse over the past year, and I now think it’s most likely the result of an allergy to coconut oil. My skin looks like I have a bad case of teenage acne, and it burns and itches all the time. I wake up in the middle of the night because my face is on fire.
Now, I’m not particularly pretty, and I’ve never thought of myself as vain, simply because I didn’t have the looks to justify it. Now, however, I realise that I am actually vain. I do care what people think. When you have acne, especially as a mature adult, the implication is uncleanness. Well, it is to me. I assure you: I wash. OFTEN. In fact, in this case that has been part of the problem. Of course, make up makes it worse but a big part of my job involves meeting clients, and for that one needs to Look The Part. So now I am hermitting as much as possible, and only going out when I absolutely have to. I really don’t know what to do to solve this, and I’m reluctant to see a doctor as they always spend less than five minutes looking me over, then prescribe antibiotics and send me on my way. Antibiotics are not my friend.
I know it’s ridiculous, but I feel like my body has let me down. Once strong, now I have no strength. Once inexhaustible, now I am tired all the time. Once capable, now a hermit. And the old faithful: allergic to everything. At least I know my new body will rock, and this one hardly matters except to remind me that I certainly can’t do anything in my own strength.
Praise God that
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” – Phil.4:13