Bad things sometimes happen.
People question why bad things happen to good people. The fact is that bad things happen to people. Good or bad is not a factor. Good things happen to people, too. Far more than bad, if we’re absolutely honest with ourselves.
Again, bad things happen to people. And sometimes – rarely – the bad things are very bad indeed.
I don’t mean the natural consequences of poor decisions. I hope by now you have the strength of character to make your own decisions, as cognitive of the consequences as you could possibly be given your short years on this planet.
And if (when!) those consequences come, as they must occasionally, I hope I’ve raised you with the resilience to face them honestly, and to do the best you can in the situation.
I know you will.
But today, I want to talk to you about the worse things.
My darling girls, if anyone should ever hurt you (and assuredly, this world can offer its share of hurts), there are some things I want you to know:
You did not deserve it. Under no circumstances can you take the blame for the bad things.
You did not somehow attract that hurt to you. You are not to blame.
You are not fundamentally “hurtable” in some way.
You are strong, resilient, and whole. This pain may chip at that for a while, but in you is a core of healing potential, ready to fill in the hole and restore you. You will not be what you were. But if you let love heal you, the weld may become the strongest part of you.
Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes that reason is that you happened across the path of a very broken person. Your pain does not have to confer great responsibility or meaning onto your life if you don’t want it to. You are not obliged to heal others now.
Just find your own way back to wholeness. You’ve got this.
You are not, now, a pain magnet. This does not have to happen to you again … and it’s likely that it won’t. The statistics are in your favour. And so is your life if you still live it the way you have so far.
What happened to you happened to you, but it’s not actually about you. It’s about that person who did it to you. That person you were so very unlucky to meet. That rare and very broken person, whose pain and hurt broke them so badly, that they felt compelled – obliged, even – to hurt another. This time, my darling, it happened to you. That is very bad luck. But it is not karma or fate or just desserts.
And it’s not likely to happen again. Most people are good … VERY good, if they have the chance to be.
You do not have to forgive the person who hurt you.
You may forgive them, and I know you can. You have it in you. I hope, for your own sake, that you will forgive them. Because that bitterness you’re tempted to harbour towards them just gives them more power over you … and it robs you of your joy and peace.
Forgiving them does not mean trusting them.
Forgiving them does not mean liking them.
Forgiving them does not mean ever, EVER, facing them again.
Forgiving them means this: “I refuse to harbour any feeling towards you whatsoever. What you did is not okay. But I am okay. I know your brokenness caused my pain, and for that I pity you. But your brokenness does not absolve your guilt. It does not excuse your actions. Even so, I am free from you and your power over me is broken. I know that I am free and safe. Your reward lies with those more skilled at meting it out than I could ever be.”
(And remember: even if the legal structures in place to protect you utterly fail to do so, there is One who knows all and sees all. You can be sure justice will be done in this life or the next.)
My precious angels, I hope to protect you from every possible pain. But I know that this does you a disservice.
We learn from our pain as much as from anything.
Even so, I hope you never need these words. If you do, know this: I am here for you. I love you. You are safe. You are blameless. And you can find freedom and wholeness and light again.
I believe in you.
I love you.