We’re supposed to play our cards close to our chest – not show our hand. We’re told to be cautious about what we say and to whom. Relationships are political minefields. Every word needs to be weighed against myriad metrics: past experiences with that person; past experiences generally; the specific situation; the larger picture; the potential goals a person may have for what they’re discussing with you; how that all affects you … and a whole lot more.
It gets exhausting sometimes.
On the other hand, we could be transparent in all our dealings. I agree with Brene Brown when she says that people need to earn the right to hear your shame story. Not everyone deserves that right.
But not every story you share is a shame story.
Sometimes, it’s just your life.
When you play open cards and go into a situation with clarity and honesty, what you get out of it is integrity. Yes, you run the risk of being hurt. Of course it’s possible that someone might use your truth against you. When they know your goals – what you want from life and from the relationship – they have the power to use that information against you.
Of course they do.
But maybe they won’t. If they don’t, you know you’ve found someone worth investing in; someone who deserves your time and effort.
If they do use your vulnerable honesty against you, you’ve found out something very valuable: this person is not trustworthy. They do not deserve you.
That’s painful to discover. But it’s a lot less painful to discover it at the outset, without having invested a lot of mental and emotional energy in political circumspection, and a lot of time and effort in a relationship.
That time and energy is better spent on someone who has earned it. And on you.
transparency is the shortcut to finding the right people to populate your life.