Home business, home education and health challenges: what makes us tic?

Posts tagged ‘care’

Want to vs ought to

Part of getting the cobwebs out of my brain and getting my mind back into the light was determining what things I actually want to be doing. Do you find yourself, like me, panicking as you try to fit in everything you just know you should be doing because they’re right and good things to do? Things that healthy, happy, well-adjusted families do? Things that efficient, effective people do?

Yep. I thought so. Me too.

In the end, not only do I NOT do any of those things I feel I ought to be doing, I don’t do anything at all. At least, not what I want to do. I stare at my computer for hours, trying to simulate busyness in the empty hope that it will morph itself into meaningfulness.

Spoiler: it doesn’t.

So I reasoned that if I could at least work out what it is I’d like  to be doing, I could commit to getting some of that done, and then I’d achieve some of what I should be achieving, too, since there’s a whole lot of overlap there. I’m rambling a bit, so I don’t know if my logic is coming through. Let me cut the chatter and get straight to the meaty stuff.

Five things I want to do OFTEN:

  1. Get active: run, dance and climb
  2. Create: paint, draw, make, build, write
  3. Work: write, design, strategise, make, imagine
  4. Grow: listen, care, learn, share, think, read, research and write

As you can see, there’s a lot of overlap here. There are also common goals between what I want to do often and what I want to achieve in my work and with my children. Identifying those common goals allows me to focus my efforts on the things that will cover the most bases and this deliver the most far-reaching results.

I’m distilling this into a practical philosophy of daily being, and it looks something like this:

  • Move my body every day (and include as many of my family members as I can)
  • Create something beautiful and/or useful every day (and include the girls)
  • Read something meaningful, think about it, and record it in writing somewhere (prepare to be blogbarded). Also: share what I’ve learned with the people who mean the most to me, in order to spark discussion and foster understanding.
  • Deliver great work for my clients, that helps them achieve their goals.Be kind to one another

Action steps:

  • Achieve at least three things on my TO DO list (so far, so good).
  • Do something creative with my kids (not so good yet … we’re getting there).
  • Spend time in prayer and reading God’s Word (this also needs work).
  • Move my body.
  • Read something meaningful.

Verses:

Softly holding

Hold lightly

Gently hold all that is given into your care, remembering that it is never yours to own. Manage it well, wisely and with compassion.

A time such as this

Papa Bear is depressed.

depressedI don’t mean that he is sad. It’s not that he “feels blue” or is “out of sorts”. He has depression. We’ve analysed it, and it seems apparent that he’s suffered this debilitating condition since at least his late teens, if not longer.

What does this mean?

Well, it means that he’s tired all the time. He is physically incapable of “helping out” around the house. It’s all he can do to get up in the morning, and seeing clients a few times a week takes mammoth self-motivation. Billing clients is practically a superhuman feat. Once these basics have been achieved, he has no resources left.

It means he needs to be taken care of. He needs someone to make sure he eats well and gets adequate nutrition. He needs help remembering – well, pretty much everything.

It means he needs understanding. He needs acceptance. He needs sympathy. He needs love.

He does not need condemnation or judgement. He gets enough of that from himself.

Giving it a name and understanding what it is and what he needs has been vital for me. I can accept the limitations his condition places on him, and not expect anything beyond what he is able to deliver. When he does more, I can accept that as a wonderful, unexpected gift. I can care for him unconditionally, as one would care for any sick or disabled person. He can’t help it.

It means that, a lot of the time, I’ll have to take up the slack a little bit when it comes to things like earning and income or taking care of the kids. Not because he doesn’t want to do those things; just because he can’t. Accepting that fact alone has been the defining characteristic of the past few weeks.

Working all things for good

I have been struggling with understanding how I can use this situation to help others, when I feel angry and isolated though it all.

Then, last week, we studied the story of Esther in Sunday School. Mordecai says to Esther:

“and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14c

In our church, and among my friends outside of church, at least 6 of the ladies are married to men who battle with depression. Most of them are on medication for this, and a few have even been hospitalised for it. When they try to reach out for support, they’re told to “honour your husband”, “stand by your man” and “pray for grace”. Those things may all be true, but hearing them doesn’t make you feel loved, supported or understood. It makes you feel alone.

That’s why I’m coming clean with a very personal story. Because perhaps I can help. Perhaps I can be here “for a time such as this”; I can understand. I can listen. I don’t have advice, but I do have experience, and I do have a little, tiny bit of hope. Perhaps I can share that.

– By Vanessa Davies – daily discovering Joy on a Shoestring.

Do you livewith someone battling depression? Do you battle it yourself? How do you cope? I’d love to hear your thoughts and advice on the subject.

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