Home business, home education and health challenges: what makes us tic?

Posts tagged ‘tired’

Focus on the physical: skin!

Sometimes our bodies distract us from the higher things in life and force us to acknowledge our own weakness, our frailty and our need for God’s supernatural power simply to get us from one day to the next. When I consider my brother’s Cystic Fibrosis and my children’s good health I am struck by the fact that every breath, for each of us, is a miracle.

But realising that, and even glorifying God for His grace in this area, doesn’t mean that we don’t sometimes feel frustrated by these earthly bonds and look forward to ur heavenly bodies with even more eagerness.

For years I put my body’s requirements aside and began to see myself as invincible. Obviously I realise now just how foolish and prideful that was, though at the time I saw it as self-sacrificing and humble. The result is that, in addition to my genetic predisposition towards faulty wiring, I’ve added a range of complications to my body over and above that. 

The complications that grabs my attention most often at the moment is my skin. I’ve self-diagnosed what I believe is a case of perioral dermatitis. It’s been getting steadily worse over the past year, and I now think it’s most likely the result of an allergy to coconut oil. My skin looks like I have a bad case of teenage acne, and it burns and itches all the time. I wake up in the middle of the night because my face is on fire.

Now, I’m not particularly pretty, and I’ve never thought of myself as vain, simply because I didn’t have the looks to justify it. Now, however, I realise that I am actually vain. I do care what people think. When you have acne, especially as a mature adult, the implication is uncleanness. Well, it is to me. I assure you: I wash. OFTEN. In fact, in this case that has been part of the problem. Of course, make up makes it worse but a big part of my job involves meeting clients, and for that one needs to Look The Part. So now I am hermitting as much as possible, and only going out when I absolutely have to. I really don’t know what to do to solve this, and I’m reluctant to see a doctor as they always spend less than five minutes looking me over, then prescribe antibiotics and send me on my way. Antibiotics are not my friend.

I know it’s ridiculous, but I feel like my body has let me down. Once strong, now I have no strength. Once inexhaustible, now I am tired all the time. Once capable, now a hermit. And the old faithful: allergic to everything. At least I know my new body will rock, and this one hardly matters except to remind me that I certainly can’t do anything in my own strength.

Praise God that 

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” – Phil.4:13

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Faith on Fridays: Don’t Get Tired of Doing Good

TGIF! I really mean that: this morning I prayed and thanked God for letting today be Friday. It’s here at least!! This has been a long and somewhat sleep-deprived week. My darling daughters have suffered from attention deficit disorder – a deficit of my attention focused on them. They’ve borne up relatively well, although we faced a minor meltdown yesterday afternoon, following which a tearful Goldilocks asked me most earnestly whether it’s possible to cure hormonia. Sadly, I had to reply that it isn’t. (And suppress a giggle!)

Puberty sure has arrived early in our house.

Feeling exhausted, I feel resentful of every infringement on my time. Papa Bear needs encouragement. Goldilocks needs comfort. Red Riding Hood needs guidance with her sewing project. Clients have deadlines. Billing must be done. Ministry work must be done. Meals must be made, and dishes must be done. All I want to do is sleep, and my responses are lacking in grace. Even when I don’t express it, I feel the bitterness and feel sure my heart’s attitude undoes any good things my body might be attempting.

Papa Bear comforted me by reminding of the crowns we receive in heaven when we keep on keeping on. And our Dear Father reminded me, ever so gently, of the beloved verse: “But ye, brethren, be not weary in well doing.” – 2 Thess. 3:13 and also “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” (Gal. 6:9)

God’s word admonishes and encourages us to do what is right, and not to let it get us down. We should never get tired of doing good, and in fact we should actively seek opportunities to do good – for others, and for the cause of Christ.

This comforted me so much this week, and I hope it encourages you, as well.

A really rough day

No one said home education would be easy. And no one said trying to hold down a job while home educating children would be easy. To say nothing of running a busy and bustling business and a small but demanding household at the same time. I know that.

I wonder, however, if they said it would be this hard. I can’t recall. Wise words of sound advice are buried deep in the hazy mists of my exhaustion, and nothing makes sense right now.

I am sure it soon will.

As of the 1st of July we (and by we I mean me) are determined to be more organised and more disciplined. This means all the grown ups in the house have detailed and honest time sheets each day to ensure that no valuable seconds are being lost anywhere. It means that all the family income is managed centrally and strictly according to a well-evolved budget. In this way we should find that we can achieve a lot more and earn enough to live comfortably, all while getting enough rest.

When I look at that bright and sunny horizon painted above, replete with rainbows and kittens and small, nameless white flowers, I feel utterly overwhelmed by the sheer cliffs of work that stand between me and there, and I want to give up.

Today I once again dropped balls, missed deadlines, and spent far too little time with my precious angels. By the end of the day we were all exhausted and overwrought, and ended up sobbing into each others necks as we hugged and prayed before bed. It has taken me until now (10:20PM) to get them down and contented, and I have a whole day’s work ahead of me.

I don’t wanna!

Like a child in a toy store, I can’t be grateful for the generous gift of abundant work that I have. Instead, I feel like sitting on the floor, legs akimbo, beating my fists on the ground and wailing “Noooooooooo” at the top of my lungs. I want to paint and fly kites and hike up mountains and make hover crafts and plant vegetables with the girls. I want to, at the very least, minister to their basic physical needs. They need muscle toning and lower limb strengthening exercise, and if I don’t start giving it soon, they may be seriously damaged for life. I know it sounds melodramatic, but it’s not. I want us all to flop into bed at night exhausted but happy, flushed with the success of a day spent learning and loving, not shushing and shouting.

I certainly do not want to try to prop these drooping eyelids open for another 5 hours.

New year. Ho hum.

Well. Here we are o the 3rd of January. I feel horrible. Needless to say, I caved in and ate some of EVERYTHING this Christmas. That includes the Christmess Pudding (even though it was a small portion, I’m sure I got a few biscuits in my bowl).

I’ve put on 2kg, and the bloating means none of my trousers fit. I’m SO tired, and my joints ache.

Also, my recently clear skin and glossy hair are things of the past.

From what I understand, the only way to get back on track is to start again, from scratch, right at the very beginning. NOT fun. I know I need to get sorted, but it’s so hard to find the motivation.

Short(ish) history

In high school, ongoing cramps, skin break outs and head aches caused my parents to cut wheat and dairy out of my diet. My mom had been diagnosed with these allergies, so it seemed a good candidate. Towards the end of high school my doctor prescribed the Pill for my irregular periods and bad skin. I’d been on antibiotics many times in my life for colds, ‘flu, tummy bugs and more. I was also put on Prozac for depression. Once I cut out wheat and dairy, my cramps and headaches improved, and so did my moods (although at that time I didn’t connect the mood swings with my diet). For many years I lived only on salad and fruit, and I felt fantastic. My school marks improved, and I had energy.

I lost a lot of weight, which wasn’t really a good thing, but it was a natural side effect of my strict diet. And nothing cured my chocoholism!

When I met my future husband in 1995, things changed. He loved pizza,  pies, pasta, coke and coffee. We shared red wine and Italian dinners and a lot of fun. I was young and in love, and felt as if things couldn’t be better.

Gradually, my brain grew foggier and foggier. My waist line expanded, and my face got puffy. I started feeling tired and lethargic. Slowly, I noticed that I was feeling less motivated and more “down in the dumps”. With a personal and family history of mild depression, I didn’t think much of it. I kept fuelling my lifestyle with coffee and chocolate and, having decided that I’d never been truly allergic since I’d never been properly diagnosed, I was merrily consuming every pastry, pasta, bread and cheese known to man.

By the end of 2000 I was regularly bedridden with killer migraines. My lower abdomen looked permanently 6 months pregnant. My husband and I tried to fall pregnant. Coming off the pill had only two effects: irregular periods and severe pain in my lower abdomen. Eventually it was so bad I could hardly walk.

A trip to the doctor led to minor surgery to deal with a lesion on my uterus, the result of either endometriosis, polycystic ovaries, or something else. We were told we’d never fall pregnant, so we stopped trying. Needless to say, a year later we had a gorgeous, completely healthy little girl.

I was exhausted. I could hardly get out of bed, and felt a constant need to sleep. My baby had been sleeping for up to 12 hours a night from a very early age, yet I felt as if I’d been hit by a truck. That’s when I went to a nutritional specialist. She “officially” diagnosed lactose and gluten allergies and advised that I avoid all sugar.

I heard and obeyed. Within two weeks, I had energy, I was upbeat, I could think, and things looked better than ever. Since then, we’ve had another child, and I’ve stayed pretty much gluten-free. However, I remain firmly addicted to chocolate, I battle with migraines, and my skin isn’t very good. So I’ve decided to do something about it, and this is where I’m keeping track of it.

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