Recently, I wrote about the cracks. The little gaps and crevices that seem to threaten to shatter the fragile worlds we believe we inhabit.
While I was meditating on those concepts, percolating the thoughts that would become that post, I shared the picture I had with a friend. It was the picture of our hearts as clay jars, surrounding the Midianite encampment in the valley below, the jars cracked and broken to let out the light they had within.
Just like our hearts: cracking and breaking to let out their beautiful Light.
My friend thought about what I had said for a few minutes before she replied. Then she said,
“Sometimes, I feel like I’m made of cracks. I feel like I need to keep papering them over, so that people don’t see. And so that the enemy doesn’t get in. It seems like, the minute he sees a crack, he attacks it and uses it to try to break me, to make me stumble and trip up.”
It was my turn to be silent while I considered her words.
As I spoke, I saw the Light inside her, seeping through the cracks in tiny dribbles, pressing against the paper stuck so fast over every gap, trying to get out.
Integrity
In recent weeks and months, God has been speaking to me about integrity. It’s something I’ve always battled to grasp. Does it mean being honest? Is it about keeping your word? Is it about never telling lies and always being reliable? Is it about being good – whatever that may mean?
Well yes… and also no.
It’s all that and more. And also less.
The dictionary (aka a two-second Google search), describes integrity like this:
integrity
-
1. the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. (So, yes. The answer to my questions is yes.)“a gentleman of complete integrity”
synonyms: honesty, uprightness, probity, rectitude, honour, honourableness, upstandingness, good character, principle(s), ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, nobility, high-mindedness, right-mindedness, noble-mindedness, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness “I never doubted his integrity” -
2. the state of being whole and undivided.“upholding territorial integrity and national sovereignty”
synonyms: unity, unification, wholeness, coherence, cohesion, undividedness, togetherness, solidarity, coalition “internal racial unrest threatened the integrity of the federation”
I have been meditating on this second definition for a long time.
If I want to be a person of integrity, I need to be whole and undivided.
What does that mean in practical terms? How can I be a person of integrity?
The Bible puts it this way (emphasis mine):
INTEGRITY
in-teg’-ri-ti (tom, tummah):
The translation of tom, “simplicity,” “soundness,” “completeness,” rendered also “upright,” “perfection.” Its original sense appears in the phrase letom (1 Kings 22:34; 2 Chronicles 18:33), “A certain man drew his bow at a venture” margin “Hebrew, in his simplicity” (compare 2 Samuel 15:11, “in their simplicity”). It is translated “integrity” (Genesis 20:5,6; 1 Kings 9:4; Psalms 7:8; 25:21; 26:1,11; 41:12; 78:72; Proverbs 19:1; 20:7), in all which places it seems to carry the meaning of simplicity, or sincerity of heart and intention, truthfulness, uprightness. In the plural (tummim) it is one of the words on the breastplate of the high priest (Exodus 28:30; Deuteronomy 33:8; Ezra 2:63; Nehemiah 7:65), one of the sacred lots, indicating, perhaps, “innocence” or “integrity” Septuagint aletheia). See URIM AND THUMMIM. Another word translated “integrity” is tummah, from tamam, “to complete,” “be upright,” “perfect,” only in Job 2:3,1; 27:5; 31:6; Proverbs 11:3.
The word “integrity” does not occur in the New Testament, but its equivalents may be seen in “sincerity,” “truth,” the “pure heart,” the “single eye,” etc. In the above sense of simplicity of intention it is equivalent to being honest, sincere, genuine, and is fundamental to true character.
W. L. Walker
In the Bible, perfection often means completeness – wholeness.
As I meditated on it, the definition seemed to distil into a single concept for me: integrity means being who you are, all the way through, wherever you are, whoever you’re with.
It means being simply you.
All the time.
With everyone.
But what if I don’t like who I am?
That’s where it gets a bit more tricky. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) papers over these cracks rather effectively in two ways. First, it helps change the behaviours that cause problems, particularly in how we react to circumstances. Second, it helps change the way we think about the things that cause us trouble.
Fundamentally, though, CBT doesn’t change who we are. Nor can it. And that’s not really its goal. Like most streams of psychology built on humanistic principles, CBT and many variations of mainstream therapy focus on challenging the way we think about things in order to relieve discomfort and help us be happier.
(I realise this is a gross oversimplification, but bear with me for the purposes of this.)
We can learn to like ourselves as we are. We can learn to process events differently so that we are less triggered by them. We can learn to behave differently so that we avoid conflict (or face into conflict courageously when we need to). And these are all good and useful things to learn.
But none of them will change who we are.
And, fundamentally, we’re unhappy with ourselves because we don’t like who we are.
That’s why we try to hide ourselves.
That’s why we try to paper over the cracks in our facades and do all we can to not let the “real” us show.
We don’t like ourselves.
We think we know who we ought to be and we spend all our time, energy, money even, to be that person instead.
And often, we’re not wrong about that. Often, we shouldn’t like ourselves.
I hear your hackles raising. I see those defences go up. I get it.
God accepts us as we are. Jesus gave EVERYTHING so that we could live in union with God – without us having to do anything to get this amazing and powerful gift.
But consider for a minute. If we could have had the gift as we are, why didn’t we? The point is, we couldn’t. We need Him, because we just aren’t good enough. And we can’t be.
And that’s okay.
As long as we don’t stay there.
In his masterpiece Biblical Counselling, Lawrence Crabb explains that a core difference between biblical and secular counselling is the goal. Secular counselling aims at achieving humanist values of self-acceptance and self-love. Biblical counselling aims at achieving a single godly goal: bringing glory to God. It’s what we’re made for. It’s the only way we can find true and lasting joy.
As we mature in Christ, who we wish and hope and try to be on the outside begins to match who we are on the inside. This is maturity. This is wholeness. This is integrity.
He makes us acceptable by conferring His worth and value and redemption onto us and setting us free from self-loathing and a sense of worthlessness. And then we give Him glory for His truly amazing grace. And that’s where we find our purpose and our true, unshakeable joy.
But – and it’s a big but – the renewing of our minds (which is our reasonable service) takes time. It’s a journey. Sometimes, it’s ugly. Sometimes it hurts.
Often, we feel like we’re a million miles from where we wish we were by now – and we don’t want anyone to know that.
This is where we need to be transparent.
We need to let the pain out. We need to let people in. We need to be honest about our struggle and our failures and our fears. We need to be real, and let people watch us grow. We need to be transparent.
We need to let the light of His transforming power at work inside us, shine out into a world struggling in pain and desperate for answers.
Integrity is the foundation of maturity. Transparency is how it manifests along the way.
Joy on a Shoestring 